13 November 2011

12 Nov - "It's the size of the mountain!"

Behemoth (TV 2011)
dir. David Hogan

Ed Quinn
Pascale Hutton (Fantastic Four, 2005)
Cindy Busby
Jessica Parker Kennedy (Santa Baby, 2006)
Ty Olsson (Lake Placid, 1999)
William B. Davis (X-Files: Fight the Future, 1998)
Garry Chalk (Watchmen, 2009)
James Kirk (She's the Man, 2006)
Marsha Regis (Watchmen, 2009)
Michael Adamthwaite (Red Riding Hood, 2011)

Sorry no picture for this TV movie. Sometimes I have this problem where I go over to Cora's house and watch a whole dopey-doo TV movie. This one didn't even really make a lot of sense. The majority of the movie was spent wondering what all those weird tremors were, foreshadowing from X-Files' Cigarette Smoking Man, and the introduction of an endless list of side characters who propelled the plot forwards in no way whatsoever. I see what they were going for, but, man, they totally missed the mark.

It's supposed to be an interpretation of a classic mythic destruction story. Instead of just a regular scary monster, the monster is the earth itself and it's super pissed off because of...pollution, I guess.

But it takes 2 thirds of the movie for this hypothesis to be confirmed and we start to see tentacles flopping around. In the meantime our heroes are racing about the mountain looking for some sort of weapon which is mostly like a rocket launcher and the weapon exists because maybe the government knew about the monster already but it is unclear how and why they lost the weapon around some random mountain.

So the good news is, when a monster of mythic proportions the size the whole planet starts to wreak vengeance on human civilization Cthulhu/Shiva/Angry Sun God style not only will a mere rocket launcher will put a stop to that guy, but the carnage will be limited to property damage in a small mountain town. I mean, you have to shoot the rocket directly into it's mouth, but that's not really a problem from miles and miles away even if you have a helicopter right next to you.

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