20 November 2010

19 Nov - "I'm an elf"

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 (2010)
dir. David Yates (Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, 2009)

Helena Bonham Carter (Alice in Wonderland, 2010)
Michael Byrne (Braveheart, 1995)
Robbie Coltrane (From Hell, 2001)
Warwick Davis (Return of the Jedi, 1983)
Frances de la Tour (Alice in Wonderland, 2010)
Michelle Fairley (The Others, 2001)
Tom Felton (The Borrowers, 1997)
Ralph Fiennes (The Prince of Egypt (voice), 1998)
Michael Gambon (Sleepy Hollow, 1999)
Brendan Gleeson (The Secret of Kells (voice), 2009)
Domhnall Gleeson (Never Let Me Go, 2010)
Richard Griffiths (Sleepy Hollow, 1999)
Rupert Grint
George Harris (Raiders of the Lost Ark, 1981)
John Hurt (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, 2008)
Rhys Ifans (Little Nicky, 2000)
Ralph Ineson (From Hell, 2001)
Jason Isaacs (DragonHeart, 1996)
Tony Kirwood (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, 2005)
Simon McBurney (Jane Eyre, 2011)
Helen McCrory (Stand and Deliver (TV movie), 1998)
Peter Mullan (Braveheart, 1995)
Bill Nighy (Love Actually, 2003)
Daniel Radcliffe
Alan Rickman (Love Actually, 2003)
Fiona Shaw (Super Mario Bros., 1993)
Maggie Smith (The First Wives Club, 1996)
Timothy Spall (Enchanted, 2007)
Richard Strange (Batman, 1989)
David Thewlis (The New World, 2005)
Julie Walters (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, 2001)
Emma Watson (The Tale of Desperaux (voice), 2008)
Mark Williams (Stardust, 2007)

OK - a friend got me to go with her. And so she's already heard my Harry Potter rant but I'll hash it out again for you all, my dozens of readers.

The problem with a magical story world is that you've created a premise which supercedes any and all plot challenges. THEY HAVE MAGIC POWERS!! Something impossible needs to be accomplished? There is a magic spell for that! Not only that, but magic spells are incredibly easy to perform. Hermione erases her own existence with a single word! She re-attaches Ron's arm with a few drops of essence-of-dittany, but she can't heal Dobby's knife wound? She can't even think of something to try??? She can build a tent that's bigger on the inside than the outside, but she can't slow down the bleeding? She can't even put pressure on the wound!!!??? What's the deal??

I like Dobby.

Here's the other problem. I get that it's a treasured piece of literature and such, but do you all rememeber my rant about too many damn characters? I haven't read Harry Potter in a super long time and it confuses me and I couldn't keep all those whacky names straight back then and I'm not going to get myself all invested in them now. Am I supposed to be sad that Mad-Eye Moody died? We didn't even meet the REAL Mad Eye Moody until the end of the last movie (I think). And you're killing him off right away and expect me to give a shit? UNlikely. It's like in LOTR when Haldir died (who I thought was the same guy as Jason Isaacs, who plays Lucius Malfoy, but he's actually Craig Parker.)

Ok - different guys. but my point is, and I hope you felt the same, that there's this awesome death scene and I'm trying to be moved but I'm all distracted because who is this guy??? I had to look up his name right now! I vaguely recalled the character from reading the book at summer camp when I was 11, but for serious, this is why it's important to be conservative with your characters: because I didn't give a shit about Haldir's death because you didn't spend enough time developing his character, Peter Jackson!

HP has a different take on elves, am I right?

Aww. He's a cutie.

Why do I bring this up? There are too many stupid characters in Harry Potter and I can't keep them straight and they are trying to address all these side plots but it's unnecessary. Just tell the stupid story without them. And what's the deal with Harry following stuff all the time? Why would you follow a ghostly deer into the forest when magical villains are after you? Didn't you learn your lesson when the silent old woman you followed home turned into a snake? You wanna stop being stupid, HARRY POTTER?

Dobby got some good reflection time on his death. But that's cool. Dobby was a decent dude. One thing I noticed while doing my customary background research on the stars is that this franchise has kept those kids pretty busy - because they have NOTHING going on in the their resumes. That must suck a bit. It's been like ten years and they can't get an outside acting gig? That's worse than Disney channel, but hopefully those little English kids won't end up all coked out and in jail. I could go on but I have to do some homework. Next I'm going to do something with the trailer for Cowboys and Aliens, so watch out.


  1. So many things to comment on! :)

    Well to be fair I thought they did a pretty good job just focusing on the central plot in this movie. It was pretty much the three main characters the whole time. Also I wasn't too sad when Mad-Eye died but I was super sad when Hedwig and Dobby died. :(

    If Harry Potter didn't do some stupid things once in a while there would be no story. Someone's gotta take one for the team :-P

    Also those three actors are set for life after this movie franchise ends. They will never have to work another day in their life. I'd say that's a pretty good deal for working on just one movie for ten years. Can't wait for your Cowboys and Aliens trailer review! :D

  2. I guess my problem with that is I feel like they play it safe by sticking so close to the story in the book. Books don't necessarily translate well into movies, they are different mediums and you need to use different kinds of plot devices and tropes. They want to keep everything the same because dopey-doo fans will be all like, "bleh - the book was better," but it's still lazy screenplay writing. They ought to be more creative and make the movie easier to watch and understand by gracefully erasing certain characters and conflicts.

  3. 2.5 hrs. blair witch project. nuff said